


Paralyzed with Fear

by CuddlyHawk



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Repossession AU - Fandom
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attack, Sleep Paralysis, hallucination
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2020-12-21 01:49:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21066788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CuddlyHawk/pseuds/CuddlyHawk
Summary: After the events in Repossession, all of Crowley's scars are healed, including his eyes. But not all scars can be healed with a miracle from God herself, as the husbands quickly find out.





	Paralyzed with Fear

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dreamsofspike](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamsofspike/gifts), [Periodictableofgayness](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Periodictableofgayness/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Repossession](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19710115) by [dreamsofspike](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamsofspike/pseuds/dreamsofspike). 

> _Eadaoin_Murphy5: "Does Crowley ever get his night vision back of is that damaged forever"_  
dreamsofspike: "The theory I was operating on was that whole reason that Crowley lost his night vision in the first place was because of scarring from the holy water. [...] BUT then as a side benefit/wedding gift from God when they performed their marriage ritual, all of Crowley's holy water scars were GONE COMPLETELY. So, I reason that includes the 'scarring' that took his night vision. I figure if ALL of his scars are gone, that means ALL and he has his night vision back from that point on"
> 
> We all know it can't be this easy. After all, not all scars are physical.

Crowley stood in front of the mirror in his and Aziraphale's bedroom, eyes roving over his torso and shoulders. It had only been a few days since the Almighty had healed him and they had eliminated Gabriel, and Crowley was still surprised every time he looked down and saw healthy, whole skin. The small sigil over his heart pulsed softly and he smiled, resting his fingertips on it reverently. Aziraphale was still in the bookshop, closing up for the night. Crowley changed into silk night pants but decided to leave the matching top off. It felt good not to have anything to hide from his angel.

As he crawled into bed, his gaze landed on the small, glowing orb of Aziraphale's grace. He picked it up and allowed the warmth of physical love to spread through his fingers and up his arms. Everything was looking up. He settled down into bed, holding the nightlight close as he waited for Aziraphale to join him.

There was a gentle knock on the door frame to get Crowley's attention, then Aziraphale was stepping into the room as well. "Are you ready to get some rest?" He asked as he miracled his clothes into soft pajamas. Crowley nodded, letting his face soften into adoration as Aziraphale got comfortable next to him. As soon as Aziraphale went still with a sigh of contentment, Crowley threw an arm and a leg over him, nuzzling his face under Aziraphale's chin. Aziraphale's chest rumbled with a quiet laugh as he wrapped an arm around Crowley's shoulders.

Crowley almost immediately started drifting off, when he felt Aziraphale shift a bit. He cracked an eye open and saw Aziraphale holding the small nightlight in one hand while his other rubbed circles absently on Crowley's shoulder.

"I wonder, do you think your night vision is back?" Aziraphale mused to himself. Crowley was about to deny it, when he realized that it was holy water damage, and all of his other holy water scars were gone, thanks to the Almighty. He pulled back the slightest bit so he could look at Aziraphale.

"It might be," he said in awe, glancing at the lamp that they always left on. Crowley snapped his fingers and it went dark. He expected the small rush of panic that inevitably raced through him, but was able to wait it out the couple minutes while his night vision kicked into gear. After a couple more minutes, he turned to Aziraphale with a huge grin. "Yeah, it's back," he said.

Aziraphale hugged him tighter. "That's great dear!" He paused and seemed to debate asking the next question, but eventually forced out, "Do you maybe want to try sleeping in the dark? It's just, I know humans can only really enter deep sleep if it's dark, and I know how you adore sleeping..."

Crowley's body's response to the idea of being in the dark was for his heart to skip a beat before it started pounding in his ears. He wanted to deny it. No, not the dark. Never again. All that existed in the dark was unwanted touches and the fear of the unknown. Not knowing how Gabriel was feeling. Not knowing how to please him to avoid a beating. Not knowing–

"Sure." His voice was hoarse and Aziraphale made a face.

His voice was gentle, nonjudgmental. "Are you absolutely sure?"

"Yeah, can't just avoid the dark forever," Crowley said, trying to convince Aziraphale as much as himself.

Aziraphale opened his mouth a few times like he wanted to argue, but eventually he conceded. "If you say so, dear. You can turn it on anytime you like."

Crowley nodded, throat too dry to do anything. It was just darkness. He shouldn't be as jumpy just because the lights were off. Aziraphale set the little orb off the side of the bed, masking all the light and dousing them both in complete darkness.

Crowley's breathing caught a few times, but Aziraphale was right there to give him a little squeeze to remind him that he wasn't alone.

Eventually, he was able to relax enough for his exhausted brain to somewhat enjoy the quiet stillness that came with darkness, and he slipped into sleep easily while still holding onto Aziraphale.

He was maybe only asleep for a few minutes before he felt a touch on the knee he had thrown over Aziraphale, and his eyes snapped open. He didn't think Aziraphale was in the mood to be frisky, but he was game.

Crowley looked down at his leg. Blinked a few times. There wasn't anything there, and one of Aziraphale's hands was limp, pillowed on his own chest, while the other was still firmly around Crowley's shoulders.

_Must have imagined it, then,_ he figured. No use bothering Aziraphale when he sounded so close to sleep as it was. So Crowley took a deep breath and closed his eyes once more.

Only to feel a hot puff of breath against the back of his shoulder.

He startled fully awake then, felt his body stiffen, and tried to turn over to see what was breathing on him, but he found his body couldn't move from its place nestled flush against Aziraphale. Crowley's panic ratcheted up another ten notches, and he tried holding tighter to his angel, to no avail.

From the corner of his wide gaze, obscured from the strange angle, Crowley could just see the shadowy figure of a person standing near his side of the bed. He tried to call to Aziraphale, to make some kind of noise so Aziraphale would open his eyes and see it too. But his body remained painfully still and silent. The figure moved closer, leaning over Crowley until he could make out their features.

His lungs tightened and suddenly he couldn't breathe at all.

It was Gabriel.

Gabriel, with blood trickling from his mouth, eyes bruised and sunken, wings emerging from the ether to hang in tatters at his sides. They were still white, but burned black in places, as though he were halfway fallen. He leaned in so his breath would ghost over Crowley's cheek.

"I told you. You will never be rid of me. I will always be here, watching. Waiting." Gabriel reached out a shaking, withering hand to press against Crowley's lower back, where his shirt would have covered if he were wearing one. Crowley felt very exposed and wished desperately that he had his shirt. Or that he could turn on the light. But he couldn't do anything. Faintly, he could feel the cool metal of the collar around his neck, and the distracting buzzing in his mind that accompanied an 02 level.

_No no NO!_ Crowley screamed in his mind, fighting against whatever was holding his body paralyzed. It must have been some kind of miracle on Gabriel's part, holding him still just like when he blinded h...

Crowley's vision swam and began to darken around the edges. Heart racing, he still couldn't move or breathe. _What happened, what_ happened_!?_ He chanted, sending a frantic prayer up to heaven even as he felt the bed dip with Gabriel's weight, making him dizzy with how badly he wanted to move. To get away. To fight back. To do _something_ other than just lay here curled against Aziraphale, useless.

His muscles strained, holding him painfully rigid as he felt Gabriel's icy hand stroking just below Aziraphale's warm arm, where the holy water sigil scar used to be. Faintly, he could hear Gabriel's voice. "Mine...all mine..."

Quite suddenly, Crowley was able to suck in a ragged, wheezing breath, and when it came back out, it whistled with a pitiful whine. The noise startled Aziraphale fully awake, and within moments, Crowley felt him moving, pulling away just for a moment before his words washed over him, calming him almost immediately. "Crowley dear, what's the matter?"

_Can't you see him?_ Crowley begged silently, and was only aware of tears on his cheeks when he felt Aziraphale's soft fingers brushing them away. Because it was all he could do, Crowley continued sucking harsh breaths into stiff lungs that weren't quite ready to work yet, and he could feel himself shaking all over.

There was a snap, and suddenly the room was awash with light. Through his panic, Crowley was able to see Aziraphale's concerned face, just a few inches from his own, and could feel Aziraphale's hands framing his face as he spoke gently, "Breathe with me, Crowley. In...and out. Very good, again. In...and out again. There you go."

Slowly, Crowley felt his body loosen, and when he attempted to turn his head a little within Aziraphale's palms, he was actually able to do it. Relief choked him for all of a second, before he remembered why he had panicked at all, and within seconds he was sitting up, Aziraphale held protectively behind him, as he searched the room wildly for the undead Gabriel.

There was no one else there.

"Crowley?" Aziraphale asked cautiously, reaching out to rest a hand on Crowley's shoulder. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Crowley felt something warm press into his hands, and when he looked down, he saw that Aziraphale had given him back the nightlight of grace.

He looked at it for a few moments, then he turned, dropped the light aside, and collapsed into Aziraphale's arms, breathing deeply to calm his still-racing heart as well as fill his senses with Aziraphale's scent. Aziraphale ran one hand through Crowley's hair while the other hugged him protectively close.

When he was able to breathe, Crowley answered Aziraphale. "Not your fault."

"I shouldn't have pushed you to sleep without the light," he explained wretchedly, but Crowley just hugged him tighter.

"No, it wasn't that. I think I was dreaming. Had some kind of nightmare. I thought Gabriel was back..."

Aziraphale stiffened and gave the room a cursory once-over. "Well, having the lights off likely didn't help any." Crowley just shrugged weakly. Aziraphale clicked his tongue and settled them both back into bed, under the covers, pressed as close as they could be. "How about we leave the light on a while longer?" He whispered, tracing a finger over the nightlight resting against the headboard. Crowley nodded a little too quickly but neither of them mentioned it.

Between them, the little orb glowed brighter as Crowley settled into a much more restful sleep. They would be alright. Maybe not yet, but eventually.


End file.
